yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
