I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
