I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
