five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
