I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
