the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize