If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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