My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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