I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
