We're like a lot better than the average bears
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my being single is dangerous.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
