fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
