You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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