Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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