first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
