So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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