Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
