glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
