I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
