4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
