i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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