You can't special order awesome
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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