Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Randomize
