i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We talked him into tasing himself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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