I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
