I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
