I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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