I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
