can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
