so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
