Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize