ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
