he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
