I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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