Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
