Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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