I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
