My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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