ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize