You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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