Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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