with your own penis?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
