If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
