you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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