yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
