I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize