I'm sorry my penis didn't work
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
