I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
