I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
