I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
