So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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