Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
