So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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