oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
