Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
