i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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