So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
