I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize