So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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