Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
