Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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