i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
