i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
