Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
