he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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