I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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