Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
