how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
