No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
