It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
